I pulled up to the Dairy Queen drive up and I hear, “Thank you for coming to Dairy Queen, may I take your order?” Normal thing to hear when pulling up to a drive-thru, right?  So I say, “Yeah, I’ll take a medium Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard.” The guy replies, “Okay, order whenever you’re ready… Oh… Your total is $4.10, please pull around.” Moron.

So I sit there at the window and notice they have a tip cup in the window. When the hell did fast food joints think they were worthy of tipping? At a restaurant and I have a waiter, sure, I’ll tip. But at Dairy Queen??? Eff that for sure.

Anyway, the Future of America comes to the window with my Blizzard. He asks, “Would you like a lid for your Blizzard?” To which I reply, “Yes, please.” He hands me the Blizzard, “Have a good night.” and shuts the drive-thru window. WTF?

I was pretty sure that if you could speak the English language, you would have a pretty good grasp on comprehending it. Apparently not. Whatever verbal diarrhea this guy hears, it certainly isn’t English. Or maybe it’s opposite day, who knows?

I should have confused the Future of America and asked him if he took out of state cash. I probably would have been arrested for unforeseen manslaughter. A question like that would have caused the Future of America to stroke out. Oy.

This person bitches to the point of calling the cable company to complain. They want certain shows, certain channels for free. The cable company tells them they aren’t available for free, you have to pay a service charge. So the person does so, they buy the cable channels they want and though they’re paying for them, they’re happy for the time being.

The channels then become free and the person stops paying for the extra service. They’re still unhappy because these channels didn’t live up to their expectations. Again, they call the cable company to complain.

How the hell did our lives get caught up in such trivial shit? How can someone bitch and moan about wanting something, get what they want, and then bitch about having it? How did humankind get to this point?

Did early man complain that his flint knife didn’t cut as well as another hunters? No, he was happy with what he had because at least he could cut up a kill to distribute to his family and clan. In fact, they were just happy to be alive seeing how it took humans thousands of years to get to the top of the food chain.

Why can’t people be happy with what they have? I try my hardest to be that way. If there’s something I want, I’ll save up and get it, but I’m not going to complain upon receiving it. I think we all need to make a conscious effort to be more like that.

Can you imagine when he gets home?

Ho: “Hey, baby, is that you?”

Thug Nasty: “Yeah, baby.”

Ho: “Where the fuck were you?”

Thug Nasty: “I was out poppin’ sick wheelies on my bike. Why the fuck do you care?”

Ho: “You always leaving me at home with the baby.”

Thug Nasty: “You never said it was my baby.”

Ho: “Well, it is your baby.”

Thug Nasty: “Why the fuck did you tell me it was my baby?!?!”

LOL

Oh well. No point in fretting over things you can’t control.

I finally got around to watching Zombieland. I thought it was effing awesome. Especially the Bill Murray cameo.

I need to start writing my books again. I’ve got 3 or 4 in the works, basically a series. Zombies, of course. I was going to collaborate with someone on a different zombie story, something unrelated to my series, but it didn’t pan out. Sucks too, because we had an awesome story outline written. It was more about the people and their struggle where the zombies were just there. Very post-apocalyptic.

It’s finding the time, I suppose. Even though I just mentioned that I have a day off, they’re never really days off when you’re an adult, are they? There’s just too much to do around the house. Someone once told me that if you’re a real writer you make the time. Well, I’m a real writer, a professional one, and I still have difficulty making time. Time is like matter. You cannot create nor destroy it. Nerd alert!

On a side note, I’m ready to get a new iPhone. Waiting for summer, of course. Right now it’s Tax Season 2010 and the wife and I owe quite the sum to the IRS. Upwards of $1,200. That may not sound like a lot to some people, but to us it’s quite a bit. Especially since the wife’s car needs new shocks and struts. I need a new car. On top of all that, we’d like to buy a house sometime in the future. Dreams, I guess.

I’m gonna go bug the dog now. She’s in the middle of a sun coma.

The apartment below us contains a pot smoking waste of space. This person smokes enough weed that when we have the screen door open, we can often get a contact high. It sucks because it’s almost like theres no fresh air in our lives anymore. On top of this, the troll living below us never/can’t answer their door. Ever.

Whoever knocks on their door does so loudly. Loud enough that often times it sounds like they’re knocking on my door, which is located directly above theirs. I don’t know if it’s because the troll is so stoned out of their gourd that they don’t know their door is being knocked upon or if they’re just that stupid.

Today I’m supposed to have one of the people from Comcast coming to get our phone set up. As I was in dreamland, I heard someone pounding on the door. I jumped up, threw some clothes on, and ran to the door. There was no one there. Then I heard it again, but this time I could place it as being downstairs.

Damn that troll and their love of marijuana.

So much for sleeping in.

Thus far today I have taken out the trash, half of the recycling, and made a trip to Goodwill. A few months back we had to send our 32″ HDTV in for repair and a friend gave us a tiny little 15″ CRT television. It was ridiculous. He told us that when we were done with it we could do as we pleased, so I passed it on to Goodwill. That’s the 3rd TV in the last two years we’ve given them. I passed on my old 19″ CRT, a 32″ CRT, and now the 15″.

Afterwards I drove to King Soopers to pick up a bite for lunch and a few things I needed for dinner. Tonight I’m making spaghetti from a family recipe. If I have the means one day, I’m going to make the recipe from scratch. As it is, everything comes from cans and jars, but it still tastes amazing. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make noodles from scratch.

When I got home I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, which is currently running. Once it’s done I’ll start on the spaghetti sauce. But for now, I’m watching Dawn of the Dead (2004). I own the original George Romero movies, but this one is a little more fast paced and I kinda need that to hold my attention today. Romero’s versions are just amazing, though. Gotta love ‘em!

I used to work with this dude who I thought was pretty cool. We talked everyday and became pretty good work buddies. One day he up and quits because he’s allergic to the store. It made no sense. I didn’t think anything of it, that happens in retail. People come and go regularly.

Months later I crack some comment about Avatar on Facebook to the effect that a film that was nothing but spectacle won a Golden Globe over movies with actual plot. My former work buddy then began hitting me with a barrage of messages, calling me ignorant for not liking or seeing Avatar.

It got to the point where he sent me a private message calling me ignorant. So I took him off my friends list. Today, I see him in the store and became a little angry. I couldn’t believe I was mad over something so stupid.

But these things happen, I guess.

We decided to get a bite to eat before we left town, so we stopped at Joe’s Crab Shack. Jubs had 4 martinis and a 22oz beer. I had one beer and Phil had one, Steve went with a 16oz beer since he was driving. The entire time we were there, Jubs kept telling Steve he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Sometimes you’ll one friend who openly states this, but I never got such commentary at my wedding.

It was gloomy and cold the entire trip. Now that I’m over 30,000ft and on my way back to Colorado i’m starting to feel better. I never realized how much sunlight effects my mood.

We pulled into Kirksville 7 hours after my plane landed on the Tarmac at KCI. Jubs made sure the trip took as long as possible. We had picked up our tuxes in CoMo, and I looked dashing as always.  While there, Jubs asked me why I wasn’t on board with telling Steve he was making a mistake.  I told him that at one point, early in their relationship, I had tried.  But now that they were getting married, it was time to support our friend.  I told Jubs that in the event that this marriage didn’t work out, we’d be there for Steve because that’s what friends do.  Jubs stopped his comments right then and there.

My parents house hadn’t changed except the kitchen, which looked a bit bigger thanks to a fresh coat of paint.  Mom & Dad looked the same.  It was weird to be back.  On the ride into town, as soon as I saw the “Welcome to Kirksville” sign, I put my head in my hands and said quietly, “Oh god, oh god, oh god.”  Phil, one of the groomsman, asked Steve if I was okay.  Steve told him that this happened every time I came home.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and friends that are still there.  I just can’t live in that town.  The level of happiness that experience there is close to nil.  I may have been born a small town boy, but I need more than what Kirksville offers.

The following day I went to Washington Street Java Company, or Java Co. for short.  Mom, Dad, and I got coffee and homemade bagels.  We chit-chatted whist we ate breakfast.  It was nice.  We then ordered a Milky Way for my older sister Jill and headed to the hospital.  Mom ran the beverage up to my sister’s office and we went on our way.  For lunch we visited La Pachanga and I had my favorite beef & cheese nachos with sour cream.

That night was the rehearsal and dinner for Steve & Whitney’s wedding.  I was the co-best man with Caiden, Steve’s son from his previous marriage.  This kid is amazing.  The C-Bear and I got to work together in this wedding and he did a great job.  During some down time, Caiden looked up at me and asked, “Uncle Matt, are you going to the wedding tomorrow?”

“Yes, Caiden, that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay.”

After the rehearsal, we all drove to the Moose Lodge, where the reception would be held.  We had dinner and then the guys departed and went to Woody’s for some pre-wedding celebrating.  Richard, a high school and college friend, and I sat at the bar with his wife Angela while we waited for Steve, his brother Justin, and some others to show up.  I started out with a Guinness.  Once the rest of the group showed up, I had a Dos Equis and three Sam Adams Boston Lager.  Going from over 5,200ft to 930ft, there was no way I would feel that alcohol.

The next day I spent the day with family.  I then borrowed Mom’s car and took off to Java Co.  I met up with Robin, one of my old friends.  We chatted about her wedding, how she’s enjoying married life, and what was going on in Denver with me.  Then my little brother from another mother, Max, showed up.  Robin left to drive home.

Max and I talked about a lot of things, as usual.  He asked me for advice on a couple of things and I gave it.  It’s always good to see that kid.  He’s going to go out to Liverpool for some studying abroad for a few weeks.  It’ll be a good trip for him.  To get away from Kirksville and think on your own, to experience new things, really helps one grow as a person.  It’s probably one of the main reasons I can’t live there.  Kirksville tends to stunt personal growth.

The wedding went off without a hitch.  The reception was fun and it was nice to catch up with my old friends.  At one point, I brought up The Bet from high school.  Basically, my buddy Adam had bet Steve that if he got over a 25 on the ACT, Adam would defecate on the 50-yard line of the high school football field.  Steve got a 27.  Adam never made good on his bet.

So I told Adam he should do it as a gift to Steve for his wedding.  Adam said he didn’t have to make twosies.  I told him that after 12 years, squatting bare-assed would suffice.  So the four of us, Adam, Steve, Richard, and I refilled our beers and headed out to the high school football field.  We walked out to the 50-yard line.  Adam, sporting a suit, dropped his pants and squatted.  I snapped a picture and we went back to the reception.

It was good to see my old friends again.  It’s not until you get them all together when you realize how much you miss them.  Especially now that they all have kids and it’s always hard to get together when children are involved.

Though I was happy to leave the black hole known as Kirksville, Missouri, it was nice to see everyone.  We may try to go back for Xmas, but we’ll have to see how finances go.